Ask Lily!

Advice to the Lovelorn

Thanks Lilly,
for a great wine recommendation! Arrogant Frog White is a fine French Chardonnay blend. This lightly oaked white wine is fresh and delicious. The wine is sealed with a dependable screw top to ensure freshness. This is a great wine with good value - worth searching out!! This would be great on a first date - meet for sushi or cheese and wine, if things are going well progress on to dinner and Arrogant Frog White with seafood or maybe even after dinner with fruit desserts.",
  - Chardonnay Lover

Chardonnay Lover,
You are most welcome, thank YOU for your wine review, and
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I work inside, at an office. It is a good job, however I prefer to be outdoors. When the weekend shows up, I'm looking to head outside, and enjoy the fresh air! Most of the ladies that I bump into are looking to go in for dinner or a movie. What is the best way to find an outdoorys girl? Thanks!
  -Sam S

Dear Sam,
Looks like you are meeting the wrong type of gal. The best place to meet an "outdoorsy girl" is outside! Get outdoors and take a walk in a public park, beach or conservation area. If you are a dog lover, take your dog along and maybe you will meet another dog lover. Volunteer for a park or beach clean-up day. If you prefer to be introduced rather than just approaching a stranger, join an online "Meetup" group with an outdoor theme for hiking / biking in your local community or check out your local chapter of the AMC. If you live near the water, take up kayaking! Sign up for lessons at your local Eastern Mountain Sports (EMS) or other outdoor sporting goods store. For additional suggestions please visit How to Meet a Potential Date. Thank you for your question, and
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
... I find it is now my turn to reciprocate with a home cooked meal. To impress my date, I will be serving a large garden salad with the main course being my famous Bolognese Sauce over pasta. It is the only meal I can consistently prepare well enough to impress a date. Lisa is very picky when it comes to wine, and being a beer drinker myself I am looking for an impressive, yet not too expensive, wine selection. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
  -Chef Louie

Dear Chef,
Funny you should ask, I recently hopped upon a real winner. Let me suggest Arrogant Frog "Lily Pad Red", a Cabernet Sauvignon - Merlot blend. Don't let the screw top fool you, this is an excellent French wine. To further impress your date, do put down the Bud and pour yourself a glass of this fine wine.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I recenlty "met" someone online and after exchanging a few messages through the dating service he decided we should move away from the site and take it to the next level. We exchanged email addresses, but Andy only seems to respond to emails late at night, and never on Friday nights or the weekends. When I asked him about it, he said he works second shift, catches up on email when he gets home from work, and then sleeps until it is time to go to work again. He claims his divorce agreement requires that he spend entire weekends with his 3 kids. After emailing for almost a month, I mentioned I would like to talk on the phone, but he is reluctant to do so. Do you think he is hiding something?
  -Not a night owl

Dear Not,
I think you may be on to something. Andy most likely is hiding something or maybe someone in this case. Perhaps Andy has a wife, or girlfriend, and waits till she is asleep to send late night emails. If that is the case then weekend time is probably family time. Don't waste anymore time guessing, confront Andy and then move on.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
"Mary" and I have been casually dating for about 3 months. She is a wonderful woman - very pretty, attractive, witty, intelligent and overall fun to be with. The guys think I am nuts to break up with her, however, I just don't feel that special chemistry. I would like to keep her as a friend, but realize that probably isn't possible and I don't want to lead her on into thinking the relationship is heading anywhere further than friends. What is the best way to break up?

Dear Chuck,
If the relationship is lacking "that special chemistry" after three months then it probably is best to breakup. Be honest with Mary and don't drag it out. Three months of casual dating deserves a face to face - don't "dump" her over the telephone or worse yet by email or text message. Perhaps, being friends is ok with Mary but be careful how you suggest it.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I have somewhat of a disability. Due to an illness as a child, I walk with a slight limp and occasionally my speech is slurred if I get overly tired. I am physically very active and in excellent shape, the limp stops me from nothing. I have met people in person and it never seemed an issue, but I am wondering if it is best to disclose this information before going on a first date sight unseen.
  -Leigh Anne

Dear Leigh Anne,
It is probably best to bring up your "disability" ahead of time. Although, if the first date is simply a quick meet & greet you may want to wait and divulge your issues before a future more active date.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I have recently got back into the dating scene after the divorce of an 18 year marriage. Am a little confused about the proper etiquette when it comes to paying for a first date. I met a guy for "an after work drink" at the bar of an upscale restaurant of his choice. My date immediately paid $20.00 for the drinks as they were served. We got to talking and drinks at the bar turned into dinner in the dining room. After asking what he was thinking of ordering, I selected an entrée in the same price range. We continued chatting through out the meal and seemed to hit it off. The dessert tray appeared and he encouraged me to select the chocolate mousse pie and ordered the cheesecake for himself. After dessert and coffee, the waiter brought the check and it sat on the table for awhile. Since he initiated the date, picked the restaurant, paid for the drinks, and extended the date to include dinner, I assumed he was footing the bill. Finally with a sigh, he picked up the check which was in excess of $100.00 before tip, opened his wallet and took out his American Express card. We parted company in the parking lot, with him saying he had a nice time and would call me. Two weeks have gone by and I haven’t heard from him. What did I do wrong? Should I have offered to split the dinner bill?

Dear Jane,
In this day and age, most men do seem to still want to pick up the tab for a first date. However, with the economy the way it is, a man might welcome the offer to help with the expense. If a man refuses, it could be that he is totally into you or it could also mean that he is not interested and feels guilty about his lack of interest. If someone says he will call and doesn't, you can be sure he is not interested. You may have done nothing wrong. To cover all bases, next time offer to split the bill. If you initiate the date, be prepared to go dutch.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I had been in communication with Ben, not his real name, for about a month. After emailing for a week, we exchanged photos and started talking on the phone. His "busy work schedule" finally eased up, and we made dinner plans to meet. We had discussed over the phone that due to allergy reasons, I do not eat red meat and also can not stand to watch anyone else eat it. He seemed cool about it, and we had planned to go to a popular Italian restaurant. Instead when Ben picked me up, he informed me that he had made reservations at a steak house that he likes, and seemed to forget that we had planned otherwise. I reminded him of my allergies and we ended up going to the Olive Garden, but it became apparent as we were chatting during dinner that he was confusing me with someone else. My cousin recently broke up with a guy she met online who turned out to be dating 3 other women and still looking for others online. She said Ben sounds like he could be doing the same. What do you think?
  -Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,
I would certainly agree that Ben is confusing you with someone else. If you are looking for an exclusive relationship, and not casual dating, Ben probably isn't your guy.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
For about 4 months now, I have been dating a wonderful woman, whom I will refer to as “Sally”. She is a bit younger than I; therefore her two children are under 12 while mine are both over 18. My adult children are aware that I have been dating Sally, but have not met her. Sally has hinted that she would like to introduce me to her kids. A good friend once advised me not to involve young kids (mine or hers) unless I intended to get married. I am not ready to eat family dinners, attend baseball games, or piano and dance recitals, as I feel it would give the kids the wrong idea, and could make things messy if either one of us wanted to break off the relationship. While I enjoy her company and would like to continue to date, after just 4 months I am not sure if this relationship is heading in the marriage direction.

Dear Steve,
Your friend gives good advice. It is best not to involve young children early on in a dating relationship. While a potential break up can be devastating to either or both of the adults involved, it can be equally upsetting to young children. Explain to Sally how you feel, and do start by letting her know that you enjoy her company and want to continue to date.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I have been messaging back and forth, and also speaking on the phone with a woman that I think I would like to meet in person. I am concerned because despite the fact that I have requested she post her photo, she refuses to do so. We seem to have a lot in common. She has described herself as being attractive, weight to height proportionate, and she does have a nice voice. I don't want to fall for someone online only to find out she is unattractive in real life. I also don't want to meet someone sight unseen. Should I just give up now, as I am assuming since she refuses to post her picture that there is something wrong with her looks or weight?

Dear Len,
A request for a photo must be handled delicately. There are legitimate reasons why a person would not want a photo posted on an online dating service or any other web page. Perhaps she is in a high profile profession such as education, health care, entertainment or law enforcement and would prefer that her students, patients, audience or the general public not see her on a dating site. My suggestion to you since you have the desire to meet is to continue communicating. Plan a first date as soon as you both feel comfortable so that if you do not live up to her expectations she won't have wasted too much time on you!
  hOpPy Dating, Lily
P.S. Is your photo posted?

Dear Lily:
I just do not know what to do. I met a nice girl and we went out a couple of times and hit it off great. She was everything she said she was and more. I really like kissing her a lot and I think she likes kissing me too. My problem is that I can't stop. Do you think it is possible to kiss too much?
  -Locked Lips

Dear Locked,
No, this frog does not believe it is possible to kiss too much if the chemistry is right and both parties consent! However, do find other interests, hobbies, and activities to enjoy together as well. An affair based solely on initimate physical activities may not develop into a lasting relationship.
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily:
I have been dating what I thought was a sincere guy. We met online, after a couple of dates we both agreed that we wanted an exclusive relationship and decided to cancel our dating service memberships. Shortly after becoming intimate, I found out that he changed his profile name and is still an active member at several dating sites. He didn't even bother to take down his pictures! The reason I found out is that he contacted a friend of mine who is online. She wrote back saying that his profile resembled someone who was dating a good friend of hers. She did not hear back from him, but has seen his profile on all the sites she uses. I have been holding this inside for a couple of weeks now. Should i confront him?
  -Hurt and Confused

Dear Hurt,
Why confront him? This man is a player! If he's not already cheating on you, he probably will be soon. Just dump him!
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Hey Lily,
I finally dated a woman I have been in contact with online off and on for 3 about months. We both have crazy schedules - she is a single working mother, and I travel for my job. Anyway to make a long story short it has taken us all that time to get an oppurtunity to meet in person. We met for drinks which led to dinner, talked and closed down the restaurant. I had a great time and assumed she did too. Phone numbers were exchanged as we parted company; she said she was going on vacation for a week and would call when she got back. That was over 2 weeks ago... I have not seen her online and am wondering if maybe she lost interest.
  -Waiting by the Phone

Dear Waiting,
The telephone works both ways! Why not give her a call?
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily,
I have been dating a really good guy for almost six months. We have a lot in common, he is fun to be with, has a good job and treats me right. My only complaint is that he is always late for dates. If he says 7:30, I know not to expect him till at least 8:30. It didn't use to bother me, I would just add an hour and plan accordingly, but lately it is driving me crazy! I am getting sick of eating dinner at 10:00 at night or racing into a movie after the openning credits have already rolled.
  -Getting Impatient

Dear Getting Impatient,
Lily totally understands why this is driving you crazy. Have you tried talking to him about this? However, if I dare be so bold, perhaps his tardiness may not be the entire problem... Sometimes we tolerate habits or behavior early on, only to find that once the novelty of a new relationship wears off that these things are intolerable and down right annoying. Perhaps the "Honeymoon" is over!
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily,
Joe (not his real name) and I have been dating for about 8 months, and I always offer to split the bill. Lately when we go to dinner, he conveinently forgets to take his wallet and I end up picking up the entire check. He always says, "I will pay for you next time", but he always forgets that too and I feel funny asking for it. What should I do?
  -Going Broke in Seattle

Dear Going Broke,
Perhaps it is time you forget your wallet ;)
  hOpPy Dating, Lily

Dear Lily,
I recently met an older man in a local bookstore. He was friendly and very outgoing. We talked and laughed for over an hour! He said he frequents the shop and would like to run into me again. Although I found him to be very attractive, I am a bit concerned that at his age he has never been married. I, on the other hand, am divorced with 2 children. I am wondering what kind of relationship I could expect from a 50 year old man who has never been committed to anyone???,
-sign me anonymous please

Dear anonymous,
You found him attractive, and he seems attracted to you! Lily says "Go For It!" Go back to the bookstore! Approach it with the attitude that this is just a date, not a life committment. Take it slow and see what develops...
hOpPy Dating, Lily

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